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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25397287">Shield You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/koko_san/pseuds/koko_san'>koko_san</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>BNA: Brand New Animal (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Battle, Eventual Romance, F/M, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:13:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,135</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25397287</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/koko_san/pseuds/koko_san</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years after saving Anima-city, Shiro and Michiru continue their work in criminal investigations until one day, Michiru vanishes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kagemori Michiru/Ogami Shirou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>128</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>326</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don’t have a beta reader so pardon any grammatical mistakes!</p><p>Hope you guys enjoy :)</p><p> </p><p>PS this is the 83rd fic (I think) under BNA on here, just wanna take note so I can remember lmao</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"A little higher."</p><p>Michiru adjusted her fingers as she scratched behind Shiro's ears as instructed, an almost habitual ritual on evenings after a hard days work. The sun was setting and cast an orange glow on Shiro’s library which had become their usual retreat.</p><p>"You know it's my turn now." Michiru whined half heartedly. </p><p>"Alright, alright." Shiro said with a huff. 

She heard the smile in his voice, but chose not to comment on it. She knew by now that bringing attention to his uncharacteristic actions would make him withdraw back into his cool demeanor.</p><p>Michiru walked around the couch and plopped herself down at his feet, ears perked and ready for pampering. Shiro let out another huff as his fingers started at the base of her neck, slowly working up to her ears. She sighed, happy under his touch.</p><p>They had been working as a team since they spoiled Alan's plan three years before. Michiru found her place as Shiro's partner for criminal investigations, and everyday was unpredictable and exciting. Michiru had experienced a whirlwind of change, and was glad for the growth she gleaned from it, but was comforted that one thing had stayed constant— Shiro. He felt like home. That's not to say she didn't miss her parents, but she finally felt like she might belong somewhere.</p><p>"Shiro-san, I'm glad I met you my first night in this city" she hummed happily, thoughts drifting from one good memory to the next, leaning back into his touch as her eyes drifted closed.</p><p>Shiro's hand stilled in her hair momentarily before slowly easing back into the easy rhythm he had set.</p><p>"... Call me Shiro."</p><p>Michiru blinked. She whisked around on instinct, her curiosity getting ahead of her thoughts, only to find herself looking up, mere inches away from his face. His eyes widened, indicating he hadn't expected her to turn around.</p><p>They sat there, staring into each other's eyes for long seconds. Shiro's hand, which had been hovering beside her head, gently cupped her right cheek. His eyes softened as his thumb caressed the soft fur of her cheek.</p><p>"Call me Shiro." He repeated, his voice gentle.</p><p>Michiru’s ears burned red, quickly followed by her cheeks. Her emotions were a whirl, but one thing was for sure-- the feelings she had kept suppressed felt like bursting. She stared into his eyes, trying to ignore the fluttering in her chest and hoping her face didn’t give her feelings away.</p><p>Shiro’s eyes flickered down to her lips for a moment, and then his head started to slowly descend. He stopped an inch away, as if to catch himself, and searched her eyes for permission. </p><p>Michiru gulped, and pursed her lips as she started to lift herself up on her knees to meet him when--</p><p>"Shiro-san!! Phonecall for you!" </p><p>Melissa came bounding in in her usual joyful manner, ignorant to what she had walked in on.</p><p>Michiru had jumped up to stare at the ceiling, tail between her legs and arms pin straight, while Shiro had leaned back into his chair, looking much calmer than Michiru, his pink-tinged ears the only thing giving him away. After a moment he sighed, and slowly rose to follow Melissa into the kitchen. </p><p>Michiru’s heart raced, her eyes following his broad back as he moved further away. Without thinking she blurted out, "Hey!"</p><p>He paused, then turned around. His eyes gave nothing away, making Michiru hesitate. </p><p>Blushing, she stammered out, "Let me know if the mayor needs anything, Shiro." </p><p>Her blush bloomed even brighter as his name left her lips. Shiros eyes widened just the slightest, and Michiru could've sworn she saw a hint of pink on his cheeks.</p><p>He turned away slightly, one hand rubbing his jaw. After a moment he looked up with soft eyes.</p><p>"Will do, Michiru."</p><p> </p><p>----</p><p> </p><p>Michiru had grown.</p><p>Shiro knew you’d have to be blind not to notice— and Pinga proved him right. He had pointed it out a number of times while giving Shiro a knowing side-eye. He refused to read into that look. </p><p>Just shy of twenty-one, not only had she matured as a woman but as a human and beastman. The many trials she faced in the last few years had accelerated her maturity, and he found it much less bothersome to be with her. Not that he ever didn't <i>not</i> want to be around her-- though he'd never admit that out loud.</p><p>She still sported her same short hair but now with an asymmetrical a-line. She only grew an inch in terms of height, something she bickered about whenever she recalled the fact. Her babyface hadn't disappeared completely, but she no longer looked like the teenager he first met long ago. Her figure had filled out, her muscles becoming more defined as she continued her baseball pursuits. Her eyes showed age and experience, but could easily revert back to her cheerful, carefree self. She replaced her signature tank tops with shirts that covered her scarred shoulder— something that made Shiro’s heart pang whenever he thought about it. He knew she did it for him. She still dressed pretty casually, which was most suited for her many transformations, but would surprise him with a more sophisticated look every so often.</p><p>Yesterday was one of those days.</p><p>She had been in the middle of a lunch date with Nazuna when they got an emergency call, and had arrived in an army green jacket with a black, mock neck top tucked into a black mini skirt that flared around her thighs. He had to pry his eyes away from the exposed fur below the hem of her skirt and above her over-knee socks. She had timidly apologized for her unprofessional and youthful attire. He scoffed, reminding her she was nearly an infant compared to his age. She had pouted at his response, and he had to turn away to hide the small smile he couldn’t hold back.</p><p>He flushed as he remembered that same evening, when his feelings got ahead of him and he blurted out such a stupid request. He hadn’t expected to see such hope and longing in her eyes. </p><p>He didn't know if he deserved anyone's love, but after all their time together she made him feel heard, seen, and cared for. He knew this wasn’t by his own doing— he had been especially careful not to let her into his space, afraid of what he could gain only to lose later. But she still seemed to understand the things he didn’t express, what he wanted and needed. He found himself craving her warmth. After having lived a thousand years, he didn't think he would feel so much for someone, but she had proven him wrong.</p><p>He remembered her flushed cheeks, the way her mouth opened into a dainty "o". The way her eyes had hooded over as she leaned into his touch. Her hand on his thigh as she lifted herself up to meet him.</p><p>Damn Melissa.</p><p>An object flying past his head and off the edge of the building brought him back to the present.</p><p>Michiru chased the stolen goods that the criminal he now had detained threw in a frantic attempt to distract him. It was falling fast, but he saw the moment she grabbed it and tucked herself into her tail before she hit the ground. A relieved sigh escaped his lips when he saw her wave up at him from the alleyway. </p><p>“I got it, Shiro— san!” She added as if it were an afterthought. He could make out the blush from four stories up. He chuckled, ignoring the way his heart warmed as he turned his focus back to taking the criminal to the police that had just arrived. </p><p>Criminal handcuffed and in the police car, he jumped off the edge of the building to where he last saw Michiru. He landed in the alleyway with a thud, and looked around to find she wasn't there. </p><p>“Michiru?” He called out, only to have silence follow. </p><p>Confused at where she would've gone, he pulled out his phone to call her as he made his way toward the main road. Right as he was about to turn the corner, he heard a vibrating noise coming from behind him. </p><p>A sort of dread crept up his neck as he turned towards the sound. He walked up to the dumpster and found her phone buzzing underneath the other trash. He picked it up, and his anxieties heightened when he saw a splotch of blood on the corner of her phone. Trying to remain calm, he sniffed it, hoping it'll at least get him to her when he realized--</p><p>It was scentless. </p><p>He sniffed the air, hoping to find a trail of her scent, but there was nothing. He stood there, motionless, mind going blank.</p><p>She was gone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ahhhhhhhhh where is she?!?!?!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I have the next few chapters plotted out, if you guys like it please let me know and I’ll continue! Thanks for reading &lt;3</p><p>Also, I thought she turned 17 in the show but according to online resources she’s 18? Lemme know if I’m wrong so I can make the necessary changes!</p><p>Also Also! Here’s the outfit inspo link :)<br/>https://www.reddit.com/r/BrandNewAnimal/comments/gxiap4/casual_michiru_w/?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Michiru wakes up on the floor of a polished, empty room.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNING: this chapter contains sensitive topics such as abuse and rape. I have left a —trigger warning— above the section where the scene begins. If you are triggered by these things, please skip the section after the —trigger warning—. (It’s the very last part of this chapter, so after you get to the sign, you can just move on to the next chapter). </p><p>Stay safe!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shiro sniffed the air, his fur blowing behind him as he ran across the rooftops, hoping to catch the smallest whiff of Michiru. </p><p>There was no reason for Michiru to vanish. She had waved at him happily just minutes before, hadn’t she? And her phone—the scentless blood on her phone—there was no way she disappeared by choice. This was premeditated.</p><p>This had to be Alan’s doing. </p><p>Rage filled him just at the thought of him. That bastard had gotten away with a slap on the wrist last time, with his claim that he was only doing it for the good and survival of all beastmen. He bared his fangs as he thought about how much he’d like to rip off his neck.</p><p><i>What’s his motive?</i> He asked himself as he ran through the back alley, leading to the Medical Center. <i>Is he planning on experimenting on her like he did the other beastmen?</i> She was one of only two human-beastmen hybrids. With Nazuna being a high profile figure, it would make sense for Michiru to be the target between the two. He couldn’t imagine what Alan was planning on doing with her. </p><p>The thought terrified him. </p><p>He found a large window to the basement of the Medical Center, and glanced through to check for possible witnesses. The coast was clear. Pulling back his arm, he was about to smash his fist through the window when he saw Michiru’s angry face at the forefront of his mind. </p><p>
  <i>Shiro! You can’t make rash decisions when you're overly emotional! We gotta think it through before we do anything!</i>
</p><p>Lowering his arm, he let out an exasperated laugh. Even in the worst of circumstances, she was there to have his back. </p><p>He took a moment to take a deep breath, something Michiru made him do whenever he got into this headspace, and sniffed for another way in. He saw an open window to the cafeteria on the third floor in his mind, and bolted in that direction.</p><p>“Please Michiru,” apprehension lacing his desperate plea. </p><p>“Please be safe.”</p><p> </p><p>——</p><p> </p><p>Michiru slowly came to, finding herself on the floor of a polished, empty room. 

There were tall windows along the right wall, with a view of the city basked in the evening sun below her. The large body of water glimmered before her, and she turned away as the bright lights made her head throb. She gently pulled herself up, becoming aware of a small puddle of blood near where she placed her hands. She palmed the part of her head that throbbed the most, and found her hand covered in blood. </p><p>"It's been so long, Michiru-kun."</p><p>Her head whipped around, making her light-headed and unsteady. When she finally regained focus, she found herself staring up at Alan and two strange men. </p><p>"Where am I? What am I doing here?!" Michiru demanded as she stood up, fisting her arms as they transformed into her gorilla arms.</p><p>"Not so fast, I don't want to start a fight just yet." Alan chuckled, walking along the windows past her, leaving the two men to stand by the door behind her. Michiru’s eyes followed him with a glare, while glancing back at the two behind her. He stopped in front of her, keeping his distance, and pulled out a remote from his pocket. </p><p>Michiru stared, skeptical, when all of a sudden her entire body felt like it got struck by lightning. Her arms morphed back as she screamed. She tried to catch her breath when the shocks paused for a moment, only to start back again with more intensity. </p><p>Alan walked in circles around her as the shocks continued and her cries grew louder.</p><p>"Those bracelets you have on are my newest invention! They're essentially the same thing as those electric catch poles, but more refined. I can change the duration and power with a remote this time!" He stated gleefully as he pointed the remote and turned off the power.</p><p>Michiru gasped and fell to the ground writhing as she tried to catch her breath.</p><p>"What… are you up to?" Michiru panted, clawing at the wristbands with no success.</p><p>"Well, it's a bit unfortunate that you had to get involved, Michiru-kun, because I really don't want to hurt you." He laughed from behind her, as if only he knew the answer to some horrid joke. Pausing, he looked knowingly at her. "But you see, I want Ogami Shiro to suffer."</p><p>Michiru turned, staring up at him, confused.</p><p>"I see you're just as ignorant as he is-- he's fond of you, Michiru-kun.” He exclaimed as his voice rose. “Even <i>that</i> is putting it lightly. It would hurt him <i>terribly</i> to know he couldn't protect you— that you’ve been hurt because of him, right?"</p><p>What little blood she had left drained from her face.</p><p>"I can fight him all I want but in the end, we're both immortal. It'd be pointless. But…" he smirked as he kneeled down to get eye level with her. "Hurting you would hurt Ogami Shiro irreparably."</p><p>He grabbed her jaw with one hand, while the other hand wrenched at the collar of her shirt, tearing it straight down the middle, exposing the sports bra she wore underneath.</p><p>He cackled. "So tasteless."</p><p>Michiru’s voice hitched as she let out a little shriek, humiliation engulfing her. She grasped at his hand, trying to pry herself loose.</p><p>"You can't hurt me" she growled, trying to convince herself. He laughed, seeing through her facade.</p><p>She watched as his face morphed into a smile, the same smile he gave her when she first met him.</p><p>"No, we’re going to ruin you."</p><p> </p><p>--- trigger warning ---</p><p> </p><p>Michiru lay on her back, her eyes shut tight, exhausted and out of breath, trying to focus on the pain from the beating she just took. Anytime she tried to fight back, Alan would press the remote and shock her into submission, leaving her vulnerable to the attacks of the two men. Her ribs felt fractured, she likely had a concussion, and she was probably turning black and blue, not to mention the blood-loss.</p><p>A hand crept up her thigh, gripping her hip. She flinched, both from the pain and the contact. She tried push it away, but a second pair of hands bound her arms above her head. </p><p>Her face felt devoid of blood, clammy and cold. She had fought as much as she could, but with the bracelets on she didn't stand a chance. She tried not to succumb to the despair that was close to overwhelming her completely. Taking a ragged breath, she tried to take her mind elsewhere.</p><p>
  <i>Tune it out.</i>
</p><p>She struggled to breathe evenly, to take her mind outside her body.</p><p>
  <i>I'm not here. You're not here, Michiru.</i>
</p><p>Another hand snaked up her exposed stomach. This made her gasp, the pain making her lose her breath.</p><p>
  <i>I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here.</i>
</p><p>The hand cupped the underside of her breast, and she felt tears prick at the corner of her eyes. She tried to twist away, ignoring the searing pain that followed.</p><p>"Wow, you can still move after all that? I can't decide if I'm impressed or if you're just stupid." A voice heckled.</p><p>"Dude hurry the fuck up, I want my turn." The second man said, tightening his grip on her arms.</p><p>
  <i>Tune it out. Tune it out. Tune it out.</i>
</p><p>She felt something she refused to acknowledge touching her entrance. She felt panic rise and fought against the hands that bound her.</p><p>"Ohh she's still going strong!" The second voice jeered.</p><p>
  <i>They can't hurt me because I'm not here. They can't--</i>
</p><p>She screamed as she felt a tear and a piercing pain between her legs.</p><p>
  <i>I'm not here. I'm not here! Please Michiru, tune it out!</i>
</p><p>"Fuckin’ virgin." Arrogance palpable in his voice as he continued to violently impale her.</p><p>Michiru gritted her teeth harder at each impact, the pain and the utter violation of her body making it impossible to hold back her tears. Her mind drifted to Shiro.</p><p>
  <i>Shiro-san.</i>
</p><p>Desperation overcame her and her tears turned into wails, begging her abusers to stop. </p><p>They laughed harder.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>[insert inaudible wails of sorrow]</p><p>Wow. That was..... what have I done.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>On another note... I’d love suggestions on chapter titles! Also, the title makes me CRINGEee .. I'll listen to suggestions there too!</p><p>I also got a twitter if it’s easier to commune there: koko_san3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shiro searches for Michiru.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two days.</p><p>Two days, Shiro hadn’t slept, desperately scouring every inch of the city trying to find any clue of where she'd be. Melissa and Gem had tried to get him to rest, but he refused to waste even a second. </p><p>He had gotten caught lurking the halls of the Medical Center, but had managed to bluff his way out of it, claiming he was called in to check for intruders. As he was being escorted out, he thought he saw a flash of blonde hair. Instantly raged, he morphed into his wolf form, bolting toward the figure, only to be met with a terrified cockatiel in a lab coat. </p><p>The mayor had scolded him on the drive back to city hall for his rash decision and for causing a scene. He had silently taken it, with little remorse, jaw jutted out stubbornly with his arms crossed over his heaving chest.</p><p>Once back in the safety of her office, the mayor asked Shiro to keep Michiru’s disappearance a secret, which he let known was ludicrous. </p><p>“WHAT?? WHY?! We don’t know what’s happened to her— we need to find her <i>now</i>, and we need Tachiki and the rest of them on this case!!” Shiro shouted at the mayor, the fury turning his eyes red, his fangs clenched and seething. </p><p>“I understand your worry, Ogami-kun, but this is bigger than just Anima-city.” The mayor responded, a slight edge in her voice hinting at her own anxieties over Michiru’s disappearance.</p><p>The mayor explained that having one of the only two beastmen-human hybrids going missing, and most likely being kidnapped at that, could cause an uproar amongst both beastmen and humans with unforeseeable consequences. He saw the logic in her words and begrudgingly complied, wanting no more harm coming to Michiru. </p><p>But Shiro refused to listen to Ishizaki's reasoning for looking at other possibilities of who might be behind this. </p><p>It was Alan. </p><p>He knew it in his gut and he wasn’t going to let anyone sway him this time. The last time no one listened to his instincts, disaster had followed.</p><p>The mayor surprised him by reaching out to the Sylvesta family after Shiro's vehement response to “other possibilities”, inquiring about Alan's whereabouts. The family informed her that he was currently working in Hong Kong, where they kept him busy so he couldn't cause trouble to Anima-city again.</p><p>Not convinced, she had Ishizaki set out for Hong Kong to confirm the information.</p><p>Meanwhile, Shiro had Pinga searching from the skies, Nazuna discreetly inquiring around outside of Anima-city, and Marie searching the underworld (for a hefty price he didn’t think twice about). </p><p>Nothing had turned up. </p><p>It had never taken him this long to find a missing person, and the fact that almost two whole days had passed was eating him from the inside. Two days where anything could’ve happened to Michiru. He hadn’t felt this type of fear in centuries. </p><p>Finishing his search at the docks again, he rushed back toward the Medical Center, feeling in his gut that that was where he needed to be. He propelled his body forward, ignoring the cues from his body telling him he needed rest and sustenance.</p><p><i>Where are you? Are you safe?</i> He called out to her in his mind, trying to keep his thoughts from spiraling.</p><p><i>What if she’s hurt, or worse?</i> The last question made his insides twist, and he grabbed at his chest as if it would alleviate the torment he felt. He shook his head, refusing to go there, trusting in her ability to defend herself. </p><p>It was approaching late afternoon, with people leaving their workplaces to head home. He watched from behind a neighboring building as people came in and out of the Medical Center. Morphing into his wolf form, he sniffed, forcibly drowning out the anguish he felt so he could focus his senses, clinging to the hope that he’ll find a trace of Michiru this time. </p><p>
  <i>There.</i>
</p><p>For a brief moment he thought he caught onto something. His heart started to hammer as his nose followed the trail into the sky—only for it to flit away. His eyes shot open, searching the open skies from where he had gotten a fleeting trace of her. His knuckles turned white as he clenched his fists, growling, desperate to latch onto the clue again.</p><p>Just then, large wings appeared in his peripherals, and a gust of wind hit him as Pinga landed next to him. </p><p>“Anything?” Pinga asked weary-eyed, morphing back into his human form. His eyes drooped more than usual, dark bags standing out against the whites of his eyes.</p><p>“I just had something but it disappeared.” Shiro ground out, raking his fingers down the fur on his face.</p><p>Surprise crossed Pinga’s face, and he looked thoughtful for a moment. </p><p>“Was it from the sky? Maybe we can find it again if we take you up to where it was.” Pinga asked.</p><p>Shiro looked at him, startled that he hadn’t thought of that himself. Damn, he was tired. “Yes. Take me up there.”</p><p>Pinga nodded as he morphed back, grabbing a hold of Shiro‘s shoulders with his claws in an instant. </p><p>With one large flap of his wings, they shot forward, Shiro pointing in the general direction of the trace. Pinga flew in circles, slowly descending around the area Shiro had specified when suddenly Shiro jerked so hard he nearly lost his grip on the wolf.</p><p>“There!! I smell it! Land down on that roof!” Shiro barked, jerking his arms, pointing toward an office building. </p><p>“Stop moving and I’ll get you there faster!” Pinga struggled, zooming down towards the building. </p><p>They made a rough landing, Shiro tripping on his feet as he rushed forward, eyes locked on some object Pinga couldn’t make out. </p><p>Shiro crouched down, gently picking up the invisible object between two fingers. He took another deep sniff, and turned toward Pinga, holding out his pinched fingers. </p><p>“A strand of her hair. It barely has any remnants of her but it came from the Medical Center. It fell from the helicopter landing pad, take me up there now!” Shiro demanded urgently. </p><p>Pinga started to say a light-hearted retort about how demanding Shiro was, hoping to calm him at least a little, but stopped when he saw the desperation in his eyes. </p><p>“You got it.”</p><p>They made a beeline for the landing pad, Shiro’s eagerness radiating off of him. </p><p>“Get the mayor! And prepare backup!” Shiro shouted as Pinga dropped him above the landing pad. Rolling over his shoulder to break his fall, he bolted towards the stairs the moment he got his footing, sniffing the air to find Michiru.</p><p>The whole area was almost wiped clean of any scent, but he caught a whiff of Michiru and saw her silhouette faintly in his mind.</p><p>His panting turned into strong, even breaths, the exhaustion replaced with adrenaline permeating through his entire body. He sprinted down the stairs towards the entrance. </p><p>
  <i>Hold on Michiru, I’m coming.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Michiru started to wake, the stillness of the room coming to her, but refused to open her eyes. </p><p>She didn’t want to feel anything. Try anything. Acknowledge anything. </p><p>She had been in and out of consciousness for the majority of what felt like weeks, something she counted as a blessing. </p><p><i>Blessing?</i> she scoffed. <i>To think being half dead was a blessing.</i></p><p>Laying on her side, she squeezed her eyes tighter as she pushed the memories of her conscious hours out of her mind. She tried not to dwell on it, but even the fleeting thoughts of them made her tremble. </p><p>She gently grazed her hand over her body, checking on the damage. Claw marks down her waist and around her hips. Her fractured and bruised ribs. Puncture wounds on her breasts and neck. There was dried blood in her hair, trailing down the right side of her face. The wounds on her waist and hips were still bleeding.</p><p>Her trembling grew as the memories started to resurface. </p><p>She mustered the energy to cover her naked self with an enlarged tail, but only managed to morph enough to blanket her front side. She wrapped both arms around her tail and hugged tight, tucking her knees up below her tail and curling into herself, savoring the searing pain it caused.</p><p>The silence stretched on, Michiru trying to disappear into it. It only made her anxiety grow. </p><p>
  <i>Are they going to come back? When? Are they going to kill me after they’re through??</i>
</p><p>The thought of them getting ‘through’ with her made the tears spill over her cheeks, her silent sobs racking her body. </p><p><i>I don’t want to be here.</i> </p><p>She squeezed her tail tighter, the pain blinding her. Large white spots enveloped her vision.</p><p>
<i>That’s it.</i>

</p><p>

<i>You don’t have to be here.</i>

</p><p>She faintly heard hurried footsteps approaching the room, happy to feel herself losing consciousness again before she could acknowledge what those steps meant.</p><p>Eyes fluttering closed, her last thoughts were on Shiro, a rare smile on his lips. </p><p>
  <i>Shiro… Where are you?</i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all for all the kind comments on this fic! They’re giving me life! I was worried because I chose some distressing events to write about... Let’s just say it’s therapeutic for me. I’m really looking forward to writing her healing process and hope I do it justice!</p><p> </p><p>Also don’t forget to comment chapter title ideas! I’ll choose one from the suggestions I get :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shiro finds her.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter was really challenging to write. I think my updates will start taking longer because I’m spending more time making sure the psyche part checks out. Like I said, I really REALLY want to get this right.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first thing Shiro saw was her bare back, lifeless on the ground. </p><p>“Michiru!”</p><p>He ran to her, falling to his knees as he hovered over her. His hands trembled, taking in the state she was in. He couldn’t conjure up a coherent thought. There was blood. So much blood. The scent bombarded him, making him grit his teeth, and he closed his eyes to take in the information it offered. </p><p>He wrenched his eyes open not a second later, and found himself heaving to the side. </p><p>His body shook with horror and rage, his eyes burning red. </p><p>“ALAN!!” </p><p>His roar was met with silence. Fangs bared and chest heaving, his head whipped around, searching the room for any sign of life. </p><p>“WHERE ARE YOU, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!”</p><p>Michiru stirred at his bellow, instantly stopping Shiro from his near rampage. </p><p>“Michiru!” He quickly removed his trench coat, placing it gently on top of her. </p><p>“I’m here. I’m— I’m so sorry, I couldn’t find you, I tried—“ he shook, unable to get the words out.</p><p>“Shiro…” Michiru murmured, her voice raspy. She grimaced as she rolled onto her back. Her eyes looked in his direction, but it was as if she couldn’t see him. </p><p>“I’m here, I’ve got you Michiru. You’re safe now— I won’t let anything hurt you, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry Michiru...”</p><p>Her vacant eyes stared for a second, and then she blinked, her eyes starting to focus on him.</p><p>“Shiro..? You’re here?” She breathed out. She reached up with one hand to touch him, as if to make sure he wasn’t a phantom. Her fingers raked through the fur on his jaw. </p><p>“You came…” she whispered, her body starting to shake as she tried to hold back tears. </p><p>He hovered over her, holding her hand against his cheek, his eyes roving over her face with a relieved but pained expression. His other paw gently moved the hair away from her face. The dried blood made some of it catch, exposing the wound on her forehead. </p><p>“I’m— I’m sorry it... took so long, Michiru…” he apologized, the trembling words barely audible. </p><p>“Shiro…” Michiru whispered hoarsely, weakly gripping his fur. “Take me away, please…” </p><p>He nodded, collecting himself as best he could. Slowly, he slipped his arm beneath her back to lift her. The motion caused her to wince, immediately stilling him. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I should’ve checked your injuries first, I— I’m—“ Shiro stammered, laying her back down.</p><p>“Shiro, it’s okay.” Her voice came slow and breathy as she stroked his fur. “I’m just glad you’re here.” Her arm fell by her side as she weakly smiled up at him, her eyes starting to lose focus.</p><p>Her broken smile pierced his heart. She shouldn’t be the one to console him right now. Swallowing the shame building up, he got his bearings together, scolding himself for not focusing on the important tasks that would lead her to safety. </p><p>“Can you tell me your injuries?” Shiro asked, trying to maintain a calm demeanor. </p><p>Michiru didn’t respond, her eyes now half-lidded.</p><p>Shiro held in his panic, pulling down his coat and gently brushing his paws across her body to assess her injuries. </p><p>“Hold on Michiru, back-up should be here soon and—“</p><p><i>“Ogami Shiro! You’ve finally made it.”</i> Alan’s jovial voice came through the intercom. </p><p>Shiro snarled, his fury returning in an instant. The hair on his back stood as he bared his fangs, preparing to attack.</p><p><i>”I can’t believe it took you two days!”</i> The speakers screeched as Alan laughed hysterically.</p><p><i>“I left you a couple clues, you know? The phone, and then a few strands of her hair. With your sense of smell, I thought you’d find us within a day but, you know, no one's perfect.”</i> Shiro could hear him smiling through his teeth. </p><p>“WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO HER?!” The rage was blinding him, the words coming out with a growl. He sniffed, trying to hone in his senses to get Alan’s location, but could only lock onto the overwhelming scent of Michiru’s blood. </p><p><i>"I actually didn’t do anything—you think I would involve myself with that filthy half breed? Of course I hired people, and I had to pay extra when I mentioned her scar."</i> Alan huffed, as if put off by some minor inconvenience. </p><p>Shiro’s blood boiled, no longer able to contain his wrath. He salivated through clenched fangs, his instincts desperate to kill. If not for Michiru’s blood in his system, he was sure he would’ve morphed into a beast from Nirvasyl Syndrome. </p><p><i>”Don’t worry, I’m not so heartless. The actual abusers should be showing up any second. Have fun, Ogami-kun."</i> Alan chuckled as the intercom clicked off. </p><p>Ogami caught the scent of two people he hadn’t noticed just then. The door opened behind him, and a vulture and lizard beastman walked in, instantly stopping mid-step as they made eye contact with Shiro. </p><p>“...You here for a turn?”</p><p>A strangled roar ripped out of Shiro’s throat as he bolted towards them at lightning speed, fist smashing into the vulture’s face before either of them could process what had happened. </p><p>He grabbed the lizard by the throat, lifting him up only to smash his head into the vulture who now laid unconscious on the floor. A large crack echoed through the room as the two skulls smashed together. Without wasting another second, he continued smashing his fists into their unconscious bodies.</p><p>Flesh being clobbered echoed through the room. </p><p>When Pinga arrived ten minutes later with police back-up, he found a large trail of blood leading to Shiro, hoarsely howling over Michiru’s still body. </p><p> </p><p>——</p><p> </p><p>Michiru woke up to the sound of soft murmurs, making her ears twitch. She slowly opened her eyes to see dust particles above her, glimmering in the morning light. A small window was open next to her, with white curtains softly billowing in the wind. She glanced down to see an IV in her arm, connected to multiple bags hanging from the IV pole beside her. She was tucked into a bed with clean, white linens.</p><p>“Gem! Michiru-chan’s awake!” Melissa’s voice rang. </p><p>Michiru looked up to see Melissa rushing to her side, gently placing a hand on top of hers. Her eyes looked swollen and red, contrasting the relieved expression she gave. </p><p>“We were so worried, we didn’t know what to do! I’m so glad you’re awake—the doctor told us you’ll require a lot of rest and assured us that your injuries were going to be okay, but he couldn’t be sure of when you’d wake up!” Melissa continued to ramble, filling her in on more details that Michiru couldn’t register. </p><p>Reminded of her injuries, she looked down at herself. She was dressed in a hospital gown, with bandages around her wrists. Reaching up to pat her head, she found gauze wrapped around her forehead. She took a deep breath and faintly felt the pain from her fractured ribs. <i>I probably have the drugs to thank for that</i>. She thought to herself. </p><p>Pulling up the fabric of her hospital gown, she saw her entire abdomen wrapped in bandages. She remembered the claw marks on her waist, and shivered at the reminder of where they came from. Unease settled into her heart. She pushed down the memories, turning her focus to Melissa’s continued ramblings and the warm glow of the room.</p><p>She let out a pent up sigh.</p><p>
  <i>I’m safe now.</i>
</p><p>But the thought contradicted everything her body was screaming at her. </p><p>Melissa clapped, pulling Michiru out of her thoughts. </p><p>“Gem, quick, call Shiro! And go get a nurse!” Melissa frantically ordered, her thoughts seemingly scattered. Gem scurried out of the room as he pulled out his cell phone. </p><p>Michiru tried to ignore the disappointment that rose when she realized Shiro wasn’t there. </p><p><i>It’s fine, he wouldn’t have left if he didn’t believe I was safe.</i> She countered to herself. </p><p><b>He’s not here because you’re <i>filthy</i>.</b> A dark voice hissed from the back of her mind. </p><p>Michiru stilled, shocked at her internal voice. </p><p>
  <i>I’m not, I mean— I didn’t—</i>
</p><p>Shiro arrived just then, catching himself on the doorframe, having almost ran past. His presence immediately set Michiru at ease. </p><p>He stood in the doorframe, his feet rooted to the ground, his quick pants the only sound echoing through the room. He stared at her, a pained look on his face. </p><p>“...Shiro-san?” Michiru timidly called out, her insecurity building.</p><p>He snapped out of his trance, briskly walking up to her bed and taking the nearest seat. He reached out to take her hand, his mouth open to speak, but stopped, uncertainty creasing his brows.</p><p>She watched him swallow, eyes on his shoes as he gripped his hands together. He took a staggering breath, finally raising his face to meet hers. </p><p>“I’m so sorry Michiru.” He whispered, guilt and shame written all over his face. </p><p>Wide-eyed, Michiru realized this is what Alan wanted. </p><p>Shiro blamed himself. He’s stubborn, like all beastmen, and may never get over this. The thought alone filled her with fear. </p><p>She refused to play into Alan’s plans. She refused to let Shiro torture himself like this. </p><p><b>Or maybe he finds you disgusting now.</b> The dark voice returned. </p><p>Tuning out the voice, she tried to turn her body to face him more.</p><p>“I’m okay, Shiro-san.” Michiru replied, a gentle smile on her lips, eyes unwavering.</p><p>Her body screamed louder in opposition.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh man. Just thinking about what’s to come makes me screeeEEEEEAM WITH ANGST. Sigh. I hope you enjoy this ride with me. </p><p> </p><p>Still taking chapter title suggestions &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shiro doesn’t know what to do.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>She’s not okay.</i>
</p><p>Shiro gaped at Michiru’s forced smile. Her eyes were sunken in, bruises peeking out from under the gauze wrapped around her head. </p><p>
  <i>This is my fault.</i>
</p><p>The guilt was unbearable, sucking Shiro in like a blackhole.</p><p>“Michiru-san, I’m glad to see you’re awake.” </p><p>With a light knock to the doorframe, the mayor walked in, breaking Shiro out of his trance.</p><p>Seeing the mayor, Michiru tried sitting up, wincing at the action. Shiro quickly assisted her, taking her one hand to pull up while gently pushing up on her back with the other. The warmth from her back seeped into his palm, spreading through him, easing the ache in his chest. It felt so soothing to be near her.</p><p>Settling into her now seated position, Michiru let out the breath she was holding in.</p><p>“Thanks Shiro-san.” She turned to him with a smile. Her forced smile. He pulled his lips upward in return, hoping it resembled a smile, while moving away to let the mayor take his seat. </p><p>The two of them spoke, the mayor with her natural calming voice, but Shiro wasn’t listening. He leaned back against the wall near the door, his eyes on Michiru. Her calm demeanor felt wrong. </p><p>
  <i>She’s not okay.</i>
</p><p>“...unfortunately we haven’t been able to find Alan yet.” The mayor's words caught Shiro’s attention, making him stand taller.</p><p>“It seems Alan had bought out the majority of the people at the Hong Kong branch, claiming he just wanted respite from all the backlash. They were told to keep quiet about a short trip he was taking to Hawaii.”</p><p>Silence followed the mayor's remarks. Shiro glanced at Michiru, who was staring at her bound wrists in her lap.  </p><p>A knock came from the door, the doctor peeking in. “You have a lot of visitors today, Michiru-San.” The skin around his eyes crinkled as he gave her a compassionate smile. </p><p>He stepped aside, letting Tachiki-san enter ahead of him.</p><p>“Michiru-san, mayor, Ogami-kun.” Tachiki nodded in greeting before turning back toward Michiru. </p><p>“Michiru-san, I’m sorry to interrupt.” He awkwardly walked in place, twisting his hat between his hands. “I realize this is a challenging thing to ask of you, but we would like to get your testimony to further the investigation. The doctor will be here as well to go over your injuries afterwards, if that is alright with you.”</p><p>Michiru stared at Tachiki, uncertainty written in her eyes. The mayor excused herself quietly, promising to come visit again soon. Michiru nodded, unable to look away from Tachiki-san.</p><p>Wanting to take part in the investigation, but not wanting to invade in a space so vulnerable to Michiru, Shiro looked to her for direction.</p><p>She caught his eye, and hesitated. She seemed to understand his inner conflict.</p><p>”Shiro-san… would you be willing to...“ she stammered, “listen from the other room?” </p><p>Shiro wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but failed to respond in time because the uncertainty deepened on her face. </p><p>“For me?”</p><p>Shiro nodded, his voice caught in his throat.</p><p>“Of course.” He responded hoarsely. </p><p>He turned, morphing into his beast form so he could listen from a greater distance. If she wanted space, he would give her space. That was the least he could do. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Three floors above her room, Shiro stood on the roof where he didn’t have to worry about competing sounds, listening to her recount her story. </p><p>He wanted to vomit. </p><p>She took frequent breaks as she struggled to verbalize the abuse she suffered. Her breathing gradually became more and more labored, at which point Tachiki-san kindly told her that that was sufficient, and would hear the rest of the account from Shiro. </p><p>After exchanging a few more words about the injuries she sustained, Tachiki-san and the doctor left, leaving Michiru alone in her room. </p><p>Shiro stood there, uncertain, questioning whether he should return to her or not. Still unsure, he jumped off the roof, realizing she shouldn’t be alone while so emotionally vulnerable. </p><p>He walked into her hospital room to find Michiru looking drained, her ears drooped and her eyes red. Her shoulders were curled in as she gently massaged her wrist. </p><p>Noticing Shiro’s return, Michiru weakly smiled as she patted the available space next to her on the bed. Shiro tentatively approached her and sat down, unsure of whether he was actually welcome or not. </p><p>A glance at her found him staring into yearning but nervous eyes, her body unconsciously leaning towards him. Reassured for the moment, he gently took her closest hand in his. He rubbed small circles on the back of her hand, the fur like velvet against his finger. The soothing sensation returned.</p><p>“That was brave of you, Michiru. It couldn’t have been easy to recount that… experience.” The word felt wrong in his mouth, too simple for how much weight it carried. </p><p>Her eyes went wide, taking in his words. </p><p>“Thanks Shiro-san, that means a lot.” She struggled to smile as tears welled up, but it was warm and real unlike the ones from before. </p><p>Relief flooded him as he saw a glimmer of her former self— but the feeling was short-lived as it became over-run with the guilt that had taken residence in his heart. </p><p>
  <i>She wouldn’t even be in this place if it weren’t for you.</i>
</p><p>He turned his head, unable to meet her eyes as shame consumed him. </p><p>Michiru gripped his hand, still placed in hers. </p><p>“Shiro—“</p><p>Just then, a nurse clambered in, holding a clipboard to her chest. </p><p>“Oh! I’m so sorry to interrupt!” </p><p>An awkward silence passed, as they looked from one person to another. </p><p>“It’s… time to check her vitals, but I can come back at a later time?” A slight blush touched the nurse’s cheeks, embarrassed that she had walked in on a moment. </p><p>Flustered, Shiro stood up, Michiru’s hand slipping out of his.</p><p>“No, it’s okay. I’ll come back later.” A curt response left Shiro’s lips before he realized. He turned toward Michiru without meeting her eyes. </p><p>“I’ll get Melissa for you.” </p><p>Rushing out of the room, he held his chest as his heart fell into shambles. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll be monitoring you for the next three days, after which we’ll be able to discharge you—although that is dependent on how your fractures are doing. Your ribs should make a full recovery in about two weeks, thanks to your unique beastman DNA. But we’ll send you home with painkillers so you won't have to worry about the pain.” The nurse smiled, a sympathetic smile etched on her face. </p><p>Michiru smiled back uneasily, not quite processing everything. Lucky for her, Melissa sat next to her, frantically taking notes. </p><p>“We gave you a morning after pill shortly after you arrived, but we’ll test you again when we have you come in for your two week check up.”</p><p>The words took a second to register to her. </p><p>
  <i>Morning after pill.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She choked back the lump in her throat, willing her thoughts to not go in that direction. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“We also have you scheduled to see our counselor following your one week check up.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The nurse’s mention of a counselor brought back Michiru’s attention. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
<i>A counselor. Shiro can’t know I saw a counselor.</i>

</p><p>"I don't need counseling!" Michiru suddenly exclaimed loudly.

</p><p><i>I’m fine. I have to be fine.</i>

</p><p>This made both Melissa and the nurse jump, turning to each other in surprise.

</p><p>“Michiru-san,” the nurse began gently, “what you went through was extremely traumatic. Not only do we want you to recover physically, but emotionally as well.”

</p><p>Michiru clenched her teeth, unable to accept the truth of her words. Her mind swarmed with thoughts of Shiro.

</p><p><i>I’m okay. I have to be okay.</i>

</p><p>Melissa put her hand on top of Michiru’s, giving it a light squeeze.

</p><p>“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Michiru.” Her words were warm, her eyes filled with compassion.

</p><p>Michiru nodded hesitantly, unable to form any sort of response.

</p><p><b>Except that Shiro seems to be ashamed of you.</b> The dark voice returned, its voice lilting.

</p><p><i>That’s not true, he just—</i>

</p><p><b>What other reason would he have to bolt out of here like he did?</b>

</p><p>Michiru couldn’t think of a retort.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’m a little afraid I’m posting this chapter prematurely... like I should’ve gone through it a couple more times or something. But I didn’t want to keep you guys waiting, aaaand it’s like 3 am so... Hope it’s alright lol</p><p> </p><p>Also you guys: I can’t name my chapter headings myself— they’ll turn out wonky like the title of this story lmao</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Michiru wants him—</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Michiru spent the majority of the following days sleeping. </p><p>Shiro visited daily, but never when she was alone. He stayed distant, only coming near enough to where it wasn’t obvious, but staying far enough away where she couldn’t reach or converse with him. </p><p>The lilting voice kept taunting her.</p><p>There was also a new sensation that was constantly vibrating through her body— like there was some sort of buzzing undertone that used to be dormant but was now awake, stirring at the pit of her stomach. Michiru became aware of it the first time she was left alone. It was unfamiliar and left her feeling uneasy. She couldn’t make sense of it. It kept her on edge, and company seemed to be the only thing that could assuage it. </p><p>Melissa stayed by her side almost constantly, to Michiru’s relief. She would chatter about one thing or another, or pull up a funny human video to share. She was a warm and reassuring presence. </p><p>Nazuna was finally able to visit on her last day at the hospital.</p><p>“Michiru!” Nazuna sprawled over Michiru’s legs, jumping on the bed.</p><p>“I’m so sorry it took so long to come see you, it took longer than I wanted to rearrange the press tour schedule, and I had to be discreet about the urgency— and— I’m so sorry Michiru!” Nazuna cried. </p><p>“It’s okay, Nazuna, I’m just glad to see you.” Michiru replied with an easy smile. Nazuna’ s energy was easy to feed off of.</p><p>“Your injuries look so much worse than I thought, are you really okay??” Nazua asked as she glanced at the bandages peeking out the top of her gown.</p><p>Michiru had asked not to reveal the full extent of her abuse, with only Shiro, Melissa, Gem, her medical staff, and the private investigators knowing the full story. </p><p>“Ya, I’m fine! The doctor said I’m recovering really fast too!”</p><p>The words felt fake leaving her lips, the faint, internal buzzing growing stronger.</p><p>Nazuna filled her in on events from the press tour, distracting Michiru’s uneasy thoughts, when Shiro walked in. He nodded at Nazuna as a way of greeting, then stood at the back of the room, letting Nazuna hoard her attention. The distance between them made Michiru ache.</p><p>Trying to pull him into the conversation, Michiru waved him over. </p><p>“Shiro, will you grab a bottle of water for me and Nazuna?” She tried. </p><p>He nodded, walking to the mini fridge opposite the bed. Handing her the bottle, she purposefully touched his hand. Michiru felt the muscles in his arm flex at the contact. </p><p><b>He thinks you’re filthy.</b> The voice sang.</p><p>Michiru didn’t attempt to counter it, starting to buy into the narrative it spun.</p><p>Nazuna, catching the rejected look on Michiru’s face, snaked her arms around her waist to comfort her. She gave a small squeeze, her claws faintly grazing her sides.</p><p>The contact instantly took Michiru to the empty room, her body pressed into the floor. </p><p>She could see the open, endless sky glowing pink in the evening light through the large windows beside her. Hear the rhythmic grunts and taunting words above her. Feel the claws cutting into her. </p><p>She was back. </p><p>The buzz that had been lying near dormant spiked, roaring in her ears. Her breathing grew labored, quickly becoming erratic. Eyes wide with alarm, she grabbed her chest, trying to catch her breath. The monitor next to her bed went off, signaling her heightening heart rate. Startled, Nazuna jumped back and froze in place, staring at Michiru’s wheezing body in shock. </p><p>Shiro bolted to her side, catching her as she curled forward. He leaned down, trying to lock eyes while holding her by the shoulders.</p><p>“Michiru, what’s wrong?!” Shiro’s urgent voice rang above her. But she couldn’t see him—all she could see was the open sky, the hovering figure. She blinked furiously, trying to banish the image.</p><p>“I can’t— breathe— Shiro, I— can’t breath—“ Michiru choked between heavy, uneven gasps. Clawing at his chest, she leaned into him, trying to grasp something— anything. </p><p>“Michiru, focus on me. Help is coming. Try and take a deep breath.” His body radiated agitation but his voice was surprisingly calm. </p><p>Michiru tried sucking in a deliberate breath, only to make her wheeze harder. She closed her eyes, the vision of that room growing larger, making her panic escalate. Fear engulfed her, of not being able to breathe again, of not being able to escape, when—</p><p>She felt soft fur. </p><p>The same soft, reassuring fur that Shiro held her hand against in that room. </p><p>“You’re safe, you’re going to be okay.” Shiro whispered, his breath in her hair. He had morphed into his beast form, tucking Michiru under his neck, holding her against the fur exposed above his chest. </p><p>Michiru’s fingers combed through his fur. It was soft, familiar. Her breathing, still erratic, started to calm. Shiro continued to whisper soothing words into her hair while rubbing light circles on her back. The loud buzzing shrank into a subtle, tingling feeling. She nuzzled her face into his chest, his scent familiar and comforting, bringing her back to the hospital room, now busy with medical staff bustling about.</p><p>Shiro continued to hold her as her breath evened out. </p><p>“Shiro… I feel like I ran a marathon.”</p><p>Not the response he was expecting, a soft laugh escaped his lips. </p><p>“Rest. I’ll be right here.”</p><p>Michiru closed her eyes, still latched onto Shiro’s chest, soon lost to the reverie of a dreamless sleep.</p><p> </p><p>—-</p><p> </p><p>Michiru was discharged the next day.</p><p>Shiro sat in the back of Gem’s car with Michiru, the middle seat left open between them. The open space felt vastly bigger than it actually was. Hands tucked between her legs, she stared out the window. He could see her reflection on the window glass, her eyes aimlessly looking at the buildings passing by. </p><p>She seemed to have recovered from her attack the night before, but it had left Shiro shaken. </p><p>After Michiru had fallen into a deep sleep, Nazuna had left sullenly, asking him to let Michiru know that she’ll be back soon. Shiro nodded, still stroking her back while gently rocking back and forth. He wasn’t sure if he was doing that to soothe her or himself. The nurse suggested he lay her down, but when he went to do so Michiru nestled into him, unwilling to let go.</p><p>The intimate gesture—though more out of need than anything on her part, he told himself—filled him with his overwhelming feelings for her. It had taken him time to accept and acknowledge that he was drawn to her. More than drawn to her. He would remind himself daily that he had too much baggage, and was far too ancient for her—even if his physical body was still only twenty-nine. But the excuses he had built up crumbled anytime he was near her. He had wanted to hold Michiru like this for so long. </p><p>But not like this.</p><p>He wasn’t deserving of her affection or trust. Especially now. He knew he should put her down, that he was giving into the temptation to savor their closeness. </p><p>Melissa returned with a nurse, the sun setting behind the other buildings, announcing the end of visiting hours. Shiro gently laid Michiru down, watching for any signs of distress, ignoring his body’s opposing response to letting her go.</p><p>Noticing the overnight tote bag Melissa carried, he remembered that she had been staying with Michiru every night. He had slept on the roof of the hospital every night as well, but reluctant to leave her side, he asked Melissa to let him stay in her stead. Melissa smiled, surprising him by handing him the bag, and leaving shortly after.</p><p>The bag was filled with overnight essentials, for him.</p><p>Shiro spent the night, sitting on the chair by her bedside, watching the even rise and fall of her chest, forbidding himself from reaching out for her. </p><p>
  <i>She’s not okay.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>She’s still not safe.</i>
</p><p>The car jerked to a stop, bringing Shiro back to the present. Gem and Melissa hopped out of the car, chatting about how good it was to be home. </p><p>“Let's move you into the main house, the guest room is open and quite spacious!" Melissa remarked, a convincing smile on her lips.</p><p>Michiru stilled, looking up from behind the car door. </p><p>"The closet!" Michiru squeaked. Everyone stopped mid-step, looking at her with confusion. Shiro looked to Melissa and Gem, hoping to see some sort of understanding, but finding them looking equally as lost. </p><p>“Can I sleep in the closet off of Shiro-san’s study?”</p><p>Perplexed, but not wanting to push, Melissa agreed, going off about whether she remembered where she put the trundle sheets. Michiru let out a sigh of relief, catching Shiro’s eyes as she did so. She quickly turned away, uneasy and embarassed.</p><p>Shiro wanted to question her, but held it in.</p><p>Grabbing her hospital bag from the trunk, he followed her into the co-op and up the stairs to the kitchen. As they moved around the table toward the study, Shiro unconsciously put a hand on the small of her back, making her flinch. </p><p>He quickly lifted his hand away, freezing in place when Michiru glanced back at him.</p><p>He saw fear. </p><p>The look was gone in a second, replaced with apologetic eyes.</p><p>“I’m sorry—“</p><p>“I didn’t mean to—“</p><p>They both started at once, quickly stopping to let the other finish. Neither of them continued, an awkward silence hanging between them. </p><p>“I’ll go grab your things.” Shiro finally spoke, carefully walking around her, taking hasty steps towards the terrace leading to her room. He bit the inside of his lips, stopping himself from turning back to her and saying anything more.</p><p>
  <i>She’s still not safe. Don’t make it worse, Shiro.</i>
</p><p>He repeated the words to himself, trying to drown out how much he wanted to be near her. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>That night, Michiru sat on her trundle bed, leaning up against the shelves behind her. The small space cocooned her, giving her a small sense of security. But the isolation quickly invited that lilting voice.</p><p>
  <b>You’re filthy.</b>
</p><p>
  <i>No I’m not.</i>
</p><p>
  <b>You’re dirty.</b>
</p><p>
  <i>No, I’m not.</i>
</p><p>
  <b>Used up goods.</b>
</p><p>
  <i>I’m… not.</i>
</p><p>
  <b>You’ve got more scars. More baggage. You’re a bigger burden than you already were.</b>
</p><p>
  <i>They never treated me like a burden—</i>
</p><p>
  <b>Are you sure? Did you see how exhausted Melissa was taking care of you? How wound up Gem was having his work flow interfered with?</b>
</p><p>
  <i>But—</i>
</p><p>
  <b>And don’t tell me you believed Shiro didn’t see you as a nuisance? And now—didn’t you see the guilt on Shiro’s face? That’s your fault. The shame he feels? Your fault.</b>
</p><p>
  <i>No, Shiro didn’t do anything— they hurt me—</i>
</p><p>
  <b>But you know he believes he did, and that’s your fault.</b>
</p><p>The truth of those words gripped Michiru’s heart. </p><p><i>I have to be fine.</i> Michiru thought more resolutely. <i>I can't have Shiro thinking this is his fault— I need to show him that none of it got to me. That they only hurt my body. That he protected me. That he saved me. That he has nothing to feel shame over. That none of this is his fault.</i></p><p>
  <i>I’m fine.</i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ohhhhhhh man. Why do I do this to myself lol</p><p> </p><p>I’ll probably be updating at a slower pace— the details are getting tricky and I don’t want to accidentally overlook things! Thanks for reading and commenting you guys, it fuels me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Something is better than nothing--</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The days passed in a haze.</p>
<p>Michiru spent most of her time in her room laying around mindlessly, or napping, or--on a good day--helping Melissa around the house. Shiro had stopped having dinner with them, having taken on extra work on top of the search for Alan. This made her anxious, but she’d remind herself that they still had breakfast together and he’d occasionally come for a visit, albeit short, in the evenings.</p>
<p><i>He’s still looking out for me</i>. She’d tell herself.</p>
<p>But the words felt hollow.</p>
<p>Before she knew it, her first check up appointment was here.</p>
<p>Michiru was fidgety as she tried to get through breakfast normally. She wasn’t sure she could sneak away to her appointment without Shiro noticing. She hadn’t left the house in weeks, after all.</p>
<p><i>Should I run there in cheetah form? Of all days for him to not rush out the door!</i> Michiru contemplated, bothered by the break in Shiro's new routine. She hadn’t morphed since coming home, and wasn't sure how her body would react to it.</p>
<p>“Michiru-chan! Would you like to go grocery shopping with me this morning?” Melissa asked cheerfully.</p>
<p>Michiru opened her mouth to decline, only to catch a quick wink from Melissa.</p>
<p>It took Michiru a moment to figure out what her wink implied. Her eyes grew wide as she remembered her little outburst in front of Melissa and the nurse about not wanting therapy. <i>Did she figure out why?</i> Either way, Melissa was giving her a cover for her appointment, so she nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>She felt Shiro’s eyes on her but chose to ignore it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re healing even faster than I anticipated.” Doctor Ito explained optimistically. “All you have left are a few superficial bruises on the surface of your abdomen. They will go away in a few days.”</p>
<p>“That’s good.” Michiru stated, attempting to smile.</p>
<p>“... Is there something that’s bothering you?” Concern laced the doctor’s voice.</p>
<p>“Um, I was wondering if the s-scarring is permanent..?” Her voice got smaller as she voiced her question.</p>
<p>Pity crossed the doctor’s face.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, dear. You can reduce the appearance of the scars but I’m afraid you can’t be rid of them completely.”</p>
<p>He continued on with an explanation, but she didn’t hear any of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The elevator door dinged as the doors opened to the third floor. Michiru stepped into the waiting room and surveyed her surroundings.</p>
<p>It was as if she wasn’t in the hospital anymore. Everything was colored in warm tones. Instead of polished floors there was thin carpeting, and sofas instead of plastic chairs. There were a few paintings of various landscapes on the wall behind her, and plants hanging from the ceiling opposite the windows. The windows were large, but the screens hadn't been pulled up yet, making her feel more at ease.</p>
<p>An older woman with graying hair and crinkly eyes sat at the receptionist's desk, smiling at her. Feeling a bit embarrassed at being caught in a daze, Michiru briskly walked up to the desk.</p>
<p>“Hi, I’m Kagemori Michiru. I have an appointment with Dr. Belle?”</p>
<p>“That would be me, Michiru-san. It’s very nice to meet you.” Her eyes curved into crescent moons as she smiled warmly at Michiru. “I didn’t mean to surprise you, I had my receptionist run an errand for me so I was keeping watch for her.” Dr. Belle laughed lightly as she morphed into a dog beastwoman with a little bark, and then back to human again.</p>
<p>Michiru fidgeted as she forced a small laugh in return.</p>
<p>“Let’s move to my office, shall we?”</p>
<p>Michiru reluctantly followed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm sorry to waste your time, the doctor was pretty adamant…” Michiru let her voice trail off as the doctor directed her to the armchair beside her own.</p>
<p>The seats were angled diagonally toward each other, with large windows along the wall next to Dr. Belle’s seat. A bookshelf and office desk lined the opposite wall from them. Michiru eyed the windows, holding her hands between her legs.<br/>Dr. Belle raised her eyebrow curiously. “Why would you think you're wasting my time?”</p>
<p>“Because... I'm fine! And I’m basically all healed!” Michiru tried to sound confident, but her eyes kept flickering about, unable to focus on the doctor.</p>
<p>Dr. Belle looked thoughtful for a moment.</p>
<p>“… Why do you think the doctor wanted you to see me?”</p>
<p>Michiru blinked.</p>
<p>“Well… I, I got kidnapped and got... hurt.” Michiru swallowed as she considered her words. “He wants to make sure I'm okay. And I am! I'm home safe now.”</p>
<p>Dr. Belle smiled at her response. Her smile reminded Michiru of the waiting room-- warm and inviting.</p>
<p>“I think you are so brave Michiru-san. And you are strong to be able to say so. But Michiru-san, it's okay to not be okay. It doesn’t make you lesser than who you were before.”</p>
<p>The words felt welcome but didn't quite seep in.</p>
<p>“But I have to be--” Michiru stopped herself, not wanting to finish the thought she almost blurted out. She stared out the window to distract herself, letting the anxiety rise and overtake her previous thoughts.</p>
<p>“What do you think you have to be?” Dr. Belle gently prodded.</p>
<p>Michiru’s fists tightened as she hung her head and looked down at her feet. This was getting uncomfortable really fast. It was really simple-- <i>if I’m not hurt, Shiro’s not hurt</i>. Michiru refused to form any thoughts beyond that. Acknowledging anything more would make it real.</p>
<p>The silence continued on, Michiru hoping that she made it clear that she didn’t want to talk about this anymore.</p>
<p>Dr. Belle turned toward the window, and then back at Michiru with a thoughtful look.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, the sun is probably bright in your face. How thoughtless of me.” A small laugh escaped her lips as she pulled down the screen until only a quarter of the window was showing.</p>
<p>“How about we get to know each other a bit better?” Dr. Belle smiled as she shifted in her seat.</p>
<p>Michiru let out a pent up breath and nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michiru stepped out of the building, taking her jacket off to tie around her waist, wanting to quickly get home to the security of her closet room.</p>
<p>The meeting had ended on a better note than it began, but she knew it was only a matter of time until Dr. Belle would start asking difficult questions. Michiru shook her head, shaking out the thoughts. Her next appointment wasn't for another week-- there was no need to think about it until then.</p>
<p>Michiru looked down at her hands. It had been a while since she morphed. Nervous excitement welled up inside her as she shook out her arms and neck. Focusing her energy, sparks glimmered across her arms as they easily morphed into wings, sending an adrenaline rush through her. She looked up, ready to flap her wings and--</p>
<p>
  <i>The sky.</i>
</p>
<p>A flash of the open windows crossed her vision.</p>
<p>She looked away, her arms morphing back into her Tanuki claws as she did so. Pulling her jacket back on, she put her hands in her pockets and started walking home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro watched from above as Michiru walked away from the hospital.</p>
<p>He hadn’t meant to follow her. The mayor had ‘nonchalantly’ mentioned at their meeting the day before that Michiru’s therapist was an old colleague of hers, and that Michiru would be in good hands. He wasn’t sure why this caught him by surprise. Shiro should’ve known that Michiru would be getting help from all fields, but his restlessness clouded his mind, making him blind to the obvious.</p>
<p>He watched as she made her way toward home, making sure no harm came to her. At one point he thought he saw her looking up over her shoulders, but the moment passed quickly, leaving him second-guessing himself.</p>
<p>As Michiru approached the front doors, Shiro dropped down into the alley between the co-op and the neighboring building. His wolf ears perked up, listening for her movement.</p>
<p>He heard the door open, and a whispered, “Thanks Shiro-san” from Michiru before the door closed behind her.</p>
<p>
  <i>Damn.</i>
</p>
<p>He usually wasn’t this sloppy. <i>I don’t want her to feel like I’m stalking her— I don’t want to scare her</i>.</p>
<p>Shiro left, running towards— who knew— wanting to give her space.</p>
<p>As he sped across the city his thoughts flitted to the hospital, how peaceful she had slept when he held her. How she had tentatively beckoned him over when he had visited. It made him hope that maybe, she could forgive him, that maybe, they could be together.</p>
<p>But that was impossible. This was all his fault. There was no "making up" something so horrific. He was beyond undeserving. These thoughts-- these hopes were selfish.</p>
<p>Shiro finally stopped running as he reached the pier. Huffing, he shook his head, attempting to refocus his thoughts on what Michiru needed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The problem was-- he wasn’t sure what that was.</p>
<p>Shiro stood there, lost in endless thoughts, as the sun went from high above his head, to dropping down to touch the ocean, painting it pink and orange.</p>
<p>As he was about to head back, Pinga landed next to him.</p>
<p>“How you holding up?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” Shiro glanced over at the ever-jovial bird, a bit annoyed.</p>
<p>“I’m sure.” Pinga remarked, unconvinced.</p>
<p>They looked out into the sunset. Shiro recalled that it looked similar to the day he found Michiru—</p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>Shiro cast a side-eye at Pinga, catching onto his serious tone.</p>
<p>“I heard that you’ve been keeping your distance from jou-chan.” Pinga stated bluntly.</p>
<p>“That’s the least I can do for her.” Shiro quickly returned, not wanting to discuss this with him.</p>
<p>“Do you think that’s what she needs right now? She trusts you, she needs you the most—”</p>
<p>“Stop.” Shiro growled.</p>
<p>Pinga looked at him, concerned.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t your fault—“</p>
<p>Irritated, Shiro grit his teeth.</p>
<p>“If it weren’t for me, she would’ve never gotten hurt. I’m the last one that should be with her right now.” Shiro turned away, his anger rising, hoping the bird beastman would drop it.</p>
<p>No such luck.</p>
<p>“So you’re really gonna make her suffer alone?”</p>
<p>Shiro’s anger dissipated in a flash as his eyes jerked towards Pinga, the distress plain on his face.</p>
<p>“I’m not— that’s not—“</p>
<p>“Because we both know that’s what you’re doing right now.”</p>
<p>Shiro winced as his words shot through him. Pinga was right-- he was making her suffer alone.</p>
<p>Tense silence stretched on as they both let the truth hang in the air.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what to do.” Shiro stated in a barely audible whisper.</p>
<p>He went on after a long exhale. “I know she’s suffering-- she’s barely getting through each day, I hear her crying most of the night-- but I don’t know how to approach her. If I should approach her. I don’t know what she needs-- and even if I knew, if she’d want me to answer to those needs.”</p>
<p>Pinga let out an exasperated sigh.</p>
<p>“She needs you.” Pinga assured him. “And you’re right, it’s hard to know how to help, but we don’t want her thinking she’s being abandoned.”</p>
<p>Another wave of guilt shot through Shiro as he realized how else his distance could be interpreted.</p>
<p>“At least let her know you’re thinking of her. Something is better than nothing.” Pinga finished.</p>
<p>“How?” Shiro questioned, no longer attempting to hide the mess he was.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, you’re an old man, what’ve you done in the past?”</p>
<p>Pinga flew off without another word, leaving Shiro deep in thought.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>YOU GUYSSSSSS</p>
<p>I'm sorry it's been a long while. Life got sucked into a tornado and I lost touch with this fic. Luckily the whole story was already plotted out with major scenes already written, but I needed time to re-immerse myself in this universe before I started fleshing it out because I didn't want to do a half-assed job. I'm still a little nervous, especially because we're coming into her recovery process which I DO NOT WANT TO MESS UP BUT ITS SO COMPLICATED TO WRITE but anyway lol. It'll be slow and going still, but my goal is to post a chapter every other week!</p>
<p>Thank you to those who read, or kudo-ed, or commented-- it was really encouraging and it fueled me to keep going!! I love hearing how this story made you feel and think! You guys are the best!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Michiru tries.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Michiru woke up the next day to find a wrapped manju sitting on a plate outside her door. </p>
<p>
  <i>He’s thinking of me.</i>
</p>
<p>She paused for a moment, expecting a counter-thought, but was surprised when nothing came. Smiling, she snatched it up and jumped on her bed, eagerly unwrapping the plastic so she could devour the treat.</p>
<p>Michiru had noticed Shiro following her home the day before and hadn’t been able to decide how she felt about it. She felt warm knowing that he cared, but uneasy about him knowing where she’d been. </p>
<p><i>Well, technically he only knows about my doctor visits.</i> She tried reassuring herself as she nibbled on her treat. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Manju continued to appear everyday. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was never constant-- she would usually find it when she least expected it. She recalled with fond feelings the first time he gifted her a manju— what did he say again?</p>
<p>
  <i>"You have to see and feel things yourself in order to find an answer."</i>
</p>
<p>Michiru tried to find the application of his words to her current situation, but nothing came to mind. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro continued to keep his distance, but would linger longer during breakfast, and even showed up to dinner once. He would join whatever conversation Gem and Melissa were having, but never instigated one himself. Even so, Michiru felt comforted having him in her life a little more again. It no longer seemed like he was actively avoiding her.</p>
<p>Whether these changes gave her courage, she couldn’t say, but Michiru started to venture out of the home in small increments. First, she went across the street to see Nazuna on one of her rare visits back. Then she invited her baseball team to lunch at a nearby pizza place. The social interactions were good for her-- just like Dr. Belle had said they would be at her last appointment-- but she’d usually find herself anxious to get back to her room. It really had become her solace--it was becoming rather unhealthy how much she depended on it. Sleep was still mostly elusive, but at least she felt safe in her room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a week later that Michiru woke up and almost ran into a dumbfounded Shiro outside her door, carrying a plate of manju in his hand. She had decided to go on a short walk around the block and had leapt out of bed to bolt through the door before she changed her mind. Shiro’s eyes were wide, surprised at being caught.</p>
<p>“Oh. Hi Shiro-son.” Her own surprise made her voice rise in pitch. </p>
<p>There was an awkward silence as Shiro continued to stare. Michiru, unsure of what to do, glanced down at the manju in his hands. That seemed to snap him out of his trance.</p>
<p>“This is for you.” He held out the plate towards her, his eyes not quite reaching her eyes.</p>
<p>“Thanks for always leaving me these, it’s very thoughtful of you.” Michiru managed to say as she took the plate, turning away slightly to hide the blush rising in her cheeks.</p>
<p><b>Why are you blushing?</b> </p>
<p>That voice. </p>
<p>It had been a few days since she heard her distinct counter-thoughts, so this took her by surprise. Michiru shook the thought out of her head, trying to erase the blush with it. </p>
<p>“You’re welcome, Michiru.” He replied. His voice was softer than usual. More timid.</p>
<p>Michiru wanted to ask him why he’d been distant, hoping he’d contradict her inner voice. </p>
<p>“Shiro-san, do you—“</p>
<p>Just then Shiro’s phone in his coat pocket started ringing. Both Michiru and Shiro eyed his vibrating pocket. <i>Why do I always get interrupted when I finally have the courage to speak?</i> </p>
<p>“You should probably answer that.” Deflated, she encouraged him to answer. </p>
<p>Shiro looked hesitant for a moment, then reached for his phone. </p>
<p>Michiru kicked her feet as Shiro answered, expecting him to walk away. He turned his body away a little, but didn’t seem to have any plans to leave. Feeling a bit awkward, Michiru started to mouth and wave goodbye when--</p>
<p>“Nirvasyl syndrome?”</p>
<p>Michiru’s ears perked up at Shiro’s surprised tone. They made eye contact, a serious look on their faces. It had been a while since there were any cases related to Nirvasyl syndrome. </p>
<p>
  <i>“He’s not responding to the howling like before. I need you there now, the serum isn't ready and I don’t know how much damage he will do by the time we get there.”</i>
</p>
<p>“I’ll be right there.”</p>
<p>Shiro hung up, placing his phone in his pocket as he turned to leave.</p>
<p>“Sorry Michiru, next time can I--”</p>
<p>“I’m coming!”</p>
<p>There was a stunned silence as Shiro’s eyes widened at Michiru’s declaration.</p>
<p>“...Michiru, I’m not sure--”</p>
<p>“I’m fine! Please quit tip-toeing around me! I have to get back to work someday! And how are you supposed to get a beast to a safe location without me?!”</p>
<p>Shiro continued to eye her, his mind seemingly churning with thoughts Michiru couldn’t get a read on.</p>
<p>Michiru growled with impatience, grabbing her jacket and running towards the door.</p>
<p>“You know I’m going to follow you anyways.” She called over her shoulder with a small laugh.</p>
<p>She missed the gleam in his eyes as Shiro saw her smile.</p>
<p>Shiro caught up to her quickly as they approached the door, holding it open for her. He gave a small smirk as Michiru passed him.</p>
<p>“Keep up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Running across the rooftops toward the nirvasyl victim, Shiro’s mind wandered back to their manju encounter. The small pout. Fists clenched by her sides. The slight blush. He had felt his heart rate rising as he took her in. It had been a while since he allowed himself to really look at her.</p>
<p>He shook his head. He couldn’t let his guard down. He felt uneasy about putting her in harm's way, but she was right-- she couldn’t stay holed up in the co-op forever. </p>
<p>Michiru seemed to radiate as she ran beside him in cheetah form. He had said to keep up and had kept a watchful eye to make sure to match her pace, but there didn’t seem to be a need. </p>
<p>
  <i>Maybe this will be good for her.</i>
</p>
<p>“Shiro-san, look!”</p>
<p>Shiro pulled his gaze away from her to see thick smoke rising ahead of them. People were frantically running away on the streets below them, their panic palpable. As they got closer to the intersection where the smoke was coming from, the chaos grew louder. </p>
<p>Large boulders were thrown across the roads, destroying cars and buildings. A corner building was on fire, with large chunks missing from the side of the building. On top of it stood a crazed squirrel beastman with a small child in his fist. A woman stood near the billowing flames below, screaming in hysteria. </p>
<p>Shiro was first to get to the woman, pulling her away from the building. The flames licked at his fur, singeing the ends.</p>
<p>“Seiji!! My son!! He has my son!!”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, we will get him. It’s my duty to protect all beastmen.” Shiro tried to reassure her in a cool voice. She wept harder, attempting to get out of his hold. Michiru was there in an instant.</p>
<p>“Ma’am, we will get him, we promise! But we first need you to get somewhere safe so we can focus on rescuing your son.” Michiru’s voice was firm, yet reassuring. She held the mother’s gaze to make sure she understood her role in this. The mother gulped a breath, and nodded through her tears. </p>
<p>“Good. Now get somewhere safe-- we’ll bring Seiji-kun back to you.” Michiru said with a confident smile as she gently nudged the woman away from the scene. The woman hesitated, then started in the opposite direction. </p>
<p>Michiru let out a pent up breath, her expression no longer hiding the worry she felt.</p>
<p>“The boy is hanging on the beastman--it looks like the beastman’s forgotten he’s holding the boy at all.” Shiro analyzed quickly. “I’ll distract the beastman while you swoop in from behind and grab the boy.” Shiro glanced down at a nervous Michiru. “Does that sound good to you?”</p>
<p>“Got it.” She nodded, tense. </p>
<p>Without wasting another moment, Shiro bolted, climbing up the side of the building towards the beastman. His paws burned at each contact with the hot bricks. As he reached the top of the building, he catapulted himself high above the beastman, drawing his attention. The angry beastman roared, swinging his arm towards Shiro.</p>
<p>The arm holding the boy.</p>
<p>Having to make a split second decision so he wouldn’t collide at a dangerous speed with the boy, he rotated mid-air so his feet came down to strike the beastman’s forearm, launching the boy into the air. </p>
<p>“Michiru!” Shiro shouted, expecting to see Michiru flying past him from behind the crazed beastman.</p>
<p>Except she didn’t. </p>
<p>Frantic, Shiro whisked around to launch after the boy, only to be grabbed from behind by the wild beastman. The beastman's claws dug into his side as he sank his teeth into Shiro's shoulder, making blood spurt down his arm. Wincing, he tried to twist free, when he caught sight of Michiru. She stood in the same spot he left her, rooted to the ground. Her eyes were wide as she stared beyond him to where the boy was falling.</p>
<p>A desperate fury raged inside him.</p>
<p>“MICHIRU!” He roared, baring his fangs as terror of what might happen overwhelmed him.</p>
<p>Michiru snapped out of the trance she was in and launched herself forward. She fumbled on her feet before she morphed into cheetah form, catching the boy midair and landing with a bounce inside her enlarged tail. </p>
<p>Shiro let out the breath he held in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you both so much for saving my son, I don’t have words enough to thank you…” Both mother and child wept as they bowed in thanks, clinging to each other. </p>
<p>Michiru felt disconnected from her body. </p>
<p>
  <i>Why are they thanking me? I almost let him die.</i>
</p>
<p>An awkward moment passed before Shiro stepped in to fill in for Michiru’s silence. Michiru’s ears were ringing and she felt like she wasn’t getting any air. She hoped her fake smile was still intact.</p>
<p>Before she knew it she was waving farewell and being ushered away from the scene.</p>
<p>“Shiro-kun! Michiru-san!” the Mayor's voice rang from behind them. </p>
<p>“Thank you for your work, both of you.” She huffed a little as she caught up to the both of them. “Luckily this victim responded to the serum, but his lack of response to the howling is very disconcerting, we--”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry mayor. I need to get Michiru home.” Shiro interjected. The mayor looked stunned momentarily, then looked to Michiru. </p>
<p>Michiru wasn’t sure what face she was making, but the mayor nodded to Shiro and they were on their way again. </p>
<p>They walked in silence for a few minutes, Shiro basically dragging Michiru by the arm. Michiru stared at his hand wrapped around her forearm, but couldn’t feel the contact. Everything felt out of place-- like she wasn’t actually there. </p>
<p><b>You almost killed the boy!</b> The voice cackled.</p>
<p>The voice was right. </p>
<p>An overwhelming realization of her complete incompetence consumed her. Michiru felt like she was going to drown in her shame. Now she was truly worthless-- a filthy and useless body. </p>
<p>Michiru gripped at her chest, wanting to alleviate the pain her realization brought. She wanted to escape it--internally pleading for something, anything to swallow her up so she could disappear, erasing the weight of reality with it.</p>
<p>Shiro turned into a nearby alleyway and stopped, making Michiru stumble into him. He looked down at her with an unreadable expression on his face. She stared back, unable to process what she was seeing. After a moment, he gently leaned down, putting one arm under her legs and the other on her back, and lifted her up off the ground. He tucked her head under his chin, and she felt him lightly graze his lips across her hair. Morphing into his wolf form, he leapt up onto the roof and started a light run toward home. </p>
<p>“Breathe, Michiru.” Shiro said softly, an anxious edge to his voice.</p>
<p>Michiru let out a deliberate breath. She closed her eyes as she felt her face start tingling, bringing with it the sensation of soft fur against her cheek.</p>
<p>She clung to it desperately.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Michiruuuuuuu T_T</p>
<p>So I lied about posting every other week lol. I'm sorry, I shouldn't make promises I can't keep. This isn't as polished as I'd like but I'm running on fumes, so please forgive me. But this is my current best so no regrets! Also this is the first 'fight scene' I've ever written-- I'M SURE YOU CAN TELL LMAOOOO. </p>
<p>I actually had to chop this chapter in half because it was getting too long and so much was happening-- which also meeeeeeans that the next chapter is mostly written! Woot! I think we're just 2-4 chapters from the finale! </p>
<p>Your comments and kudos give me life, thank you for all the discussions, encouragement and support!!!</p>
<p>P.S. Also I'm actually not sure if that was a manju (Japanese bun with sweet bean paste on the inside), but that's what I initially thought it was when I saw the show so that's what it's gonna be in this fic lol.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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